Unsafe on any Screen: Cinematic Sleaze and Cheese (RePost from the old Ryan’s Reviews site)

Description (from the back of the book):
Zombies! Giant monsters! Trampy nurses! Space invaders! Kung Fu! Psycho Killers! Bigfoot! John Holmes (speaking of big)! UNSAFE ON ANY SCREEN brings you all these and MORE in a collection of movie reviews covering the sick, twisted, sleazy and cheesy from all corners of the world. You’ll wish your friends had never known the depths of your warped taste (so hide the book before they come over)!

Written by Scott S. Phillips

So you may have noticed that this review is a little bit different, and that’s because this title is a book. Of movie reviews. Which was kinda weird for me – I mean, as a person who writes reviews I’m now reviewing another person’s reviews… and how do you do that? Well, here goes nothing’ –

Unsafe on any Screen was both an eye opener – I now have a list of movies to see that I had never heard of – and was amazed at how much I agreed with Scott’s reviews of movies I had seen before. “Look, this is director John Carpenter’s best movie,” Scott says of 1982’s The Thing, “but some folks have told me I’ve gotta preface that bold statement ‘I daresay,’ ” Just say it, Scott! I’ve always thought that The Thing was the best film Carpenter’s ever made (ever since repressed memories it’s warping me at a very young age were released when I saw it again at 17 or 18). Not to say that Assault on Precinct 13 is awesome, or that In the Mouth of Madness isn’t a great film, but for me, The Thing has always had top billing.

UoaS was a quick – one road trip to Arizona and I had finished it – and fun – I laughed out loud more than once – book to read. I enjoyed Scott’s take on his rating system; instead of the average “star” system or “thumbs” or anything like that, Scott rates his films in two ways: first, the Greased Ape Scale (“how many greased apes I’d wrestle to see a particular movie,” the higher the better) and the Cheap Bourbon Scale (“how much sauce you’ll need to make a flick seem worthy of wrestling more greased apes”). Scott gives A Better Tomorrow II a score of 5 (the highest) Apes and 0 Bourbon – and as John Woo is probably my favorite director of balls-to-the-wall style action, I have to agree. Other ratings that I would have ranked the same: Demons 2 – 3 Apes & 3 Bourbon, The Garbage Pail Kids – 1 Ape & 5 Bourbon, Rikki O – 4 Apes & 3 Bourbon and finally, The Rules of Attraction – 1 Ape and for the Bourbon rating: Drink Up.

Like I said before, UoaS has also introduced me to a slew of films I now NEED to see, like: Black Sabbath, Disco Godfather, Parents (I, like Scott, had been avoiding this film because of the smug “it’s ‘Leave it to Beaver’ with cannibalism!” cover art, but now after reading Scott’s take I want to see this one for my self), Rabid Dogs, the list could go on.

Overall I really enjoyed the conversational style of the book, the humor, and its almost “book-report” style of critique. UoaS was a fun book to read, and I would recommend it to anyone looking for some non-Hollywood fare. I know next time I go to the video store, I’ll have Unsafe on any Screen with me – my tour guide to the world of “cinematic sleaze and cheese.”

Overall 7.5 / 10


Scott Phillips on the imdb: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0680780/

Unsafe on any Screen for sale at http://www.exhilarateddespair.com

Unsafe on any Screen official site: http://www.exhilarateddespair.com


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