Retards Shouldn’t Run With Chainsaws / Separation of Church & State / Retards 2: Bon Appetard (RePost from the old Ryan’s Reviews site)

Descriptions (from the boxes):

Retards Shouldn’t Run with Chainsaws: In the distant present of the year 2004, four disgruntled youths embark on a household of terror; screams; and a psycho killer (that can only be satisfied by a super-sized Happy Meal!

Who will survive Shit-tooth, and his father, who longs for sexy parties? Well, find out, and enjoy the DSK Productions horror delight!

Separation of Church & State: Everyone’s favorite special agents, Church and State are back! When funds get cut, so does State. Police Chief Gator McClusky gives State the boot, forcing him into odd jobs to get by. Meanwhile, Church gets a promotion being Gator’s right hand man.

While this is going on a man named Jacoby is getting over the loss of his court case and seeks revenge. So he gets his hands on a sea creature named Samich.

When bodies start piling up all over the city, its up to Gator to get the only two men who can handle the job: Church & State.

Retards 2: Bon Appetard: Shit-tooth and his father are back! And more retarded than ever. This time they bring along their relative, Boot-strap for some fun.

When the family gets a new house left to them by a deceased relative, named the Galant Gopher, they think they are moving up to high class, but they are still white trash.

They need some food, so a hunting they will go! First they hunt down an innocent jobber. Then they meet their match when they come across a tennis doubles team. Will they get the prey they want? Watch the last film in the retards series to find out!

Major Cast: Retards: Matt Holko as Shit-tooth, Rick Mackall as Old Man, Rick Fusselman as Rick, Josh Hudson as Josh, Jim Cibella as Sweet Chuck Church & State: Colt Shipley as Church, Rick Fusselman as State, Titus Wheeler as Chief Gator, Rick Foo Mackall as Jacoby, Todd McKinney as Samich Retards 2: Rick Mackall as Dad, Colt Shipley as Shit-tooth, Rick Fusselman as Boot-strap, Todd McKinney as Tennis Player, Titus Wheeler as Tennis Player, Jessica Fusselman as The Jogger

Special Features: Retards: None Church & State: Retards 2 Trailer, Blooper Reel, Church & State Trailer, More Trailers Retards 2: Bloopers & Outtakes, Commentary, Location Scouting, DSK Cribs, Church & State Trailer, Hot Justice Trailer, Retards 2 Trailer

directed by Rick Fusselman

DVD by DSK Productions

The box descriptions pretty much explain what these three films are about, so I’m not going to repeat them. I chose these three films from the DSK catalogue (which also includes Honey, I’m Gnome, Hot Justice, Kiss My Galaxy, and the in progress Toxic Shock Zombies) to review because Retards was the first DSK film, and Retards 2 the most recent. And Church & State has a guy in a monster suit, so I had to check that out!

All of the DSK films I have watched are obviously on the “no-budget” scale of production, which equates to low production value. Personally I don’t mind low production value, if the script and acting and other elements of the film can kick in enough to make up for the low values. I found that chronologically, each of the DSK films I watched did a better job than its predecessor at making up for the production values.

Retards Shouldn’t Run With Chainsaws is a great title. It catches your eye, and if you are offended by the title you won’t check out the film… which will be a good thing if you’re offended already! This film, as most of the DSK films I’ve watched, is set to piss people off. Much like Troma and Chris Seaver’s Low Budget Pictures, DSK films will make most the audience mad at some point; which means these films stir emotion in the viewer. This particular film I felt was longer than it needed to be, clocking in at about 30 minutes, but overall was a funny first try. I especially liked the joke of a character with his guts hanging out calling home to tell his angry mother that he’d be later for dinner. DSK excels in the sophomoric; their sight gags are excellent, even in this early outing. The acting is mediocre, but that is to be expected in the no-budget world, where as a director, your actors are your friends doing you a favor, and not trained and skilled actors. The camera work in this film is amateur, and the lighting non-existent; again the stamp of no-budget filmmaking.

The Separation of Church & State is DSK’s secret agent / man-in-a-suit film. I had to check this one out when I saw “Samich,” the evil sea creature. In this film, DSK embraces their no-bugetness and use it to make jokes. Again the sight gags are the strong suit in this film, from Jacoby’s very obviously fake bald head, to the “monster” Samich its self. However, C&S also has better jokes, and they are delivered with more confidence and poise. This comes from the fact that Fusselman has collected a group that works with him over and over again, obviously learning from past experience. C&S again runs a little longer than it needs to, running about 35 minutes, but the comedy in this film carries the time better than Retards. The camera work has also improved, and the lighting, while still not great, is getting better.

Retards 2: Bon Appetard was by far the best DSK film I’ve seen. R2 benefits from better acting, better camera work, lighting (most of the film is outdoor daytime shots), an improved script, and the ever-present DSK sight gags. I was quite impressed with the progression of Fusselman’s directing. The scripts are still as juvenile (which shouldn’t be taken as an attack on the writing) and as offensive as they were with Retards, but the composition has gotten much better. R2 contains many angles and frames that were not used in the other DSK films I have seen. I felt that Fusselman is obviously maturing as a director, and while I don’t expect future DSK films to be high art, I do think that they will look better and better. Unlike the other two DSK films I have reviewed, I felt that R2 was shorter than it needed to be! The film is just under 14 minutes, which I did not realize before watching. I was surprised when it was over, and I felt that R2 would have benefited if there were maybe five more minutes to fill it out. Overall, the best DSK film I’ve seen by leaps and abounds, and R2 makes me look forward to Toxic Shock Zombies, the next DSK film.


Retards 3.5/10

C&S 4.5/10

Retards 2 6.5/10

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